Telling
by TeenTypist
Summary: James has made a big decision in his life, but before he talks to Lily, he wants his best friend's approval first. Lousy summary and title. Selfchallenge, described inside. Nonslash.


_**Telling**_

**By**

**TeenTypist**

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**Disclaimer:** The characters do not belong to me. In fact, the dialouge does not belong to me--will explain in a moment. The situation and thoughts DO belong to me. 

**Author's Note: **This was a self-challenge. I'm in a summer acting class and these two ten year olds in our class had this scene. (well, two scenes put together) Anyway, it was a pretty open scene and in class I started applying the dialouge to James and Sirius. The dialoug is verbatim from the scene they used. Everything else is me.

If you're waiting for **_Switched_** or **_Why I Quit the Canons_** or **_We Were Here _**updates are coming, I promise. Anything else: updates will when my muse decides to roll the big stone labeled WRITER'S BLOCK from in front of my eyes. Til then, enjoy snippets like these one-shots.

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Sirius paced back and forward, wondering where James was. He couldn't possibly be lost. How many nights had they spent here, transformed? He checked his watch for the fifty-third time. James was over an hour late. 

Finally the door opened and James, a little dirt in his hair, entered. He looked fairly cheerful, but Sirius wasn't having any of it.

"Where have you been?" he demanded.

James winced. "Did you get my message?" He'd sent Wormtail along forty-five minutes ago to let Sirius know that he'd be running a tad bit off schedule.

Sirius stared at him. Even Peter knew the difference between _a tad bit_ and almost an hour. "What did it say?" he asked, knowing the message already, word for word.

James wasn't going to give up so easily either. "Does it matter now?" Sure he was late, but he was here now, wasn't he?

Sirius sat himself down on an overstuffed chair. Crossing his arms, he retorted coldly, "Why shouldn't it?"

James said the first thing that came into his head, getting back to the heart of why he and Sirius were meeting tonight. "How good are you at keeping a secret?"

Sirius stared at him, wondering what was up. "Have I ever let you down before?" He added silently, _I'm you best mate. You can trust me with anything and you know that, git._ Why was James acting so funny lately?

James shrugged. "How would I know if you did?" He chewed his bottom lip. Sirius didn't seem to be reacting well and he hadn't even told him of his news. His plans.

Sirius had no response and a long moment passed between them.

"Are you going to tell me?" Sirius finally asked. This was the first time he and James had gotten to talk together in a long time and it wasn't going well at all. Sirius felt like giving his best mate a good hexing.

James started pacing back and forward, treading the same track that Sirius had earlier. After half a dozen crosses, he spoke up. "Do you swear not to tell _anyone _else?" This was big news. He was more serious than he'd ever been in his life. Sirius deserved to know first.

What had remained of Sirius's patience was wearing dangerously thin. His eyes narrowed. "What are you getting at?"

"Can I trust you?" James asked desperately. Other words echoed in his head. _Can I trust you not to laugh? To accept this?_

Sirius gave a dog-like bark. "Who can you trust?" If he and James couldn't trust each other, then there was no one in the world that could trust anybody else. Sure these were dark times, but that was all the more reason to have somebody on your side.

"What does that mean?" he asked indignantly. He'd been distracted all night. Why couldn't keep his brain on one thing? He felt like his head was going to explode. He needed to know that Sirius was going to be all right with this.

"You can't figure it out?"

"Are you insulting me?" James asked. It was a completely new thought. Sirius joked, teased, but he wouldn't insult _James_. Probably Peter, and definitely Remus, but not James Potter! They were soul brothers.

"Why would I do that?" Sirius asked, moodily. He was getting very exasperated. Yes, it had been an insult. When he'd been waiting this long and getting nowhere, what else did James expect of him?

James put his fingers to his temples. He was starting to get a headache. Maybe deciding to talk to Sirius first had been a bad idea. Maybe he should have approached all three of them together. "Can we talk about this later?"

The nerve! James had been the one to arrange for them to meet here, and then showed up an hour late, and now, after a few minutes of talking about absolutely nothing, he wanted to go without any rhyme or reason. "Why not right now?" he demanded, striding forward and grabbing James by the front of his robes.

James tried to back away, but Sirius's grip on his robes was firm. His hands left his head and the right one dropped into his pocket. His wand wasn't there. Just a box. A small, black box. "Why are you pressuring me?" His hand tightened around the little box.

Sirius let go of James, causing him to stumble back a little. Turning away, he said in a quiet and clear voice, "I hate you." He started for the door.

James followed and grabbed his arm, leaving the box in his pocket. "You don't mean that!"

Sirius shook his head. "More than you'll ever know." This thing before him couldn't be James. Not the James Potter he'd known for the seven years. In the last six months, he hadn't been the person he'd been best friends with. He couldn't be the same person because he wasn't. That had to be the right answer. Whoever this man was, he wasn't Prongs.

"Why are you telling me now?" James asked desperately, still gripping his arm. This had to be the most random thing he'd encountered yet. Why would his best mate hate him? Sure they'd been a little more distant this year, but he had things to do. Other commitments. He released Sirius's arm and fingered the box again.

Sirius didn't look at him, couldn't. "Because, I think you need to know." Merlin, he wanted Prongs back. What had happened to Prongs? The Head Boy and his shiny badge could go drown in the lake for all he cared; he wanted his best friend back! It was all her fault.

James stared at him. "That…really hurts." What more was there to say? How could Sirius hate him? He heard the words _I hate you_ from Lily, and certainly Snape, but never from Sirius Black. Padfoot.

Sirius went to stand by the window and look out at the quarter moon in the sky. "You've changed so much," he said softly. It was clear that he wasn't talking to the moon.

James approached with soft steps, standing on Sirius's right. His left hand went to Sirius's shoulder and the right went back to the box in his pocket. "Not by choice." He looked up at the moon. The moon didn't change by choice either, but it was always changing, never the same for two nights in a row.

Sirius listened to the tone in his voice. Only the slightest regret. Why? Why couldn't things stay the way they always had been? His life hadn't started until he boarded that train. Would his life end when he got off the train for the last time in three months? All because of _her_. "I can't understand you," he said finally. He would never let a girl hold his attention that long. Friends were more important than girlfriends.

James sighed. "I'm not asking you to." _For now. Just accept me. I don't need to be understood, just accepted, Pad, _he begged silently. _And someday you _will_ understand_.

Sirius turned to face him directly. "It's her fault, you know." His words were simple, matter-of-fact, and (the worst part) mostly true.

"Don't blame her," James said, shaking his head. Maybe, yes, she had been the one to change him lately, but that didn't mean it wasn't going to happen anyway, sooner or later. People changed. It was called growing up. There was no getting around it. Besides that, James didn't want Sirius to hate her. He wanted him to think of her as a sister, or at least a friend. She was really a wonderful person.

Sirius was accusatory and shook his head in response to James. "She changed you." His words were heavy. Where was the James who liked to prank? The James who thought it was a riot that Remus, a little nervous about executing pranks, always came up with the best ones? Where was the James who he could talk about anything with? Where had this new, more responsible James come from and could he trade him in for the old model?

"Maybe," James admitted. It wasn't just her. He…he loved her. He wanted Sirius to know that. He wanted Sirius to be okay with that. He wanted Sirius to know that someday he was going to marry this girl. Maybe a wedding next spring. He closed his eyes. He was still the same guy though. Maybe he wasn't exactly the same, but he was still trustworthy. Still a good person. Still his best friend.

"I thought you were stronger than that." Years ago they made a pact. No girl would ever come between them. So far that hadn't been a problem. Only once or twice had they showed any amount of interest in the same girl. The problem wasn't that Sirius was interested in this one, quite the opposite. He felt like he was being replaced. They'd promised this wouldn't happen. James was the first promise he could ever count on before. Now that promise felt like it was ashes to the wind.

He gripped the box, ready to pull it out of his pocket and explain everything to him. He was ready to tell Sirius that he was going to marry Lily Evans someday. He wanted to Sirius to be his best man. He wanted the quiet life that he had boldly said he'd never want to have. But when war has been going on for half of your life, you begin to wonder if maybe the quiet life wouldn't be so bad after all. Heck, at this point he just wanted Sirius to laugh at him. He wanted to go back to the beginning, when things were easier. "So did I."

Next, Sirius said what was perhaps the most ridiculous thing to ever come out of his mouth. However, he said it with so much conviction that James could bear to find it ridiculous at all.

"I don't think we should see each other again." He started for the door again.

It was absolutely unbelievable. They had classes, meals, and a shared dormitory and common room. How could they not see each other? Was Sirius really willing to give up seven years of friendship just because James was in a relationship that really meant something to him for once? Sirius was mad that he had to share James's time now?

James's voice was understandably faint when he responded. "That sounds so…final."

"It's the only way," he said simply, the words causing him pain that was evident in his face. Lily and James deserved to be happy together and Sirius knew he couldn't deal with that. Not yet. He was never very good at sharing, and that included friends. He had Remus and Peter, and as close as they were to him, he and James were soul brothers. He was going to have to learn to share.

The only way for what? To ruin the best friendship either of them had ever had? James wondered. He looked at the floor, taking the box out of his pocket. He opened it to show Sirius, but Sirius was gone, the corner of his robe disappearing through the door that led to the tunnel. For a long moment, James just looked back and forward between the ring in his hand, and the door his friend had disappeared to.

He wanted to marry Lily and have a big wedding next spring, once they'd settled a little after Hogwarts and had started on their careers. But he wouldn't do it alone. Not without his best friend by his side. He…couldn't. He looked between the ring and the door again. Speaking to no one but the still air inside the Shrieking Shack, he said, plain and vulnerable, "I feel lost."

After another moment's hesitation he snapped the box shut, stuffed it in his pocket, and ran down the tunnel, hoping to catch Sirius before he made it back to the castle. He caught Sirius at the end of the tunnel and sat on him until he agreed to talk. He wasn't letting his best friend go without a fight.

Sirius was glad James ran after him, glad that he knew he would always have someone who would run after him. When he left his parents' house there were no footsteps following him; no one Flooing or Apparating to the place where they knew he would go for shelter. Now he had someone and he knew that even when—there was no "if" about it—James married Lily and started a family he would still always run after him.


End file.
